oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
