you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
