I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
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Clothes are such an inconvenience.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
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She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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