i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
