dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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