my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
It's blow job season.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
