Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
