How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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