I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
