So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Just high enough for therapy.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Randomize
