Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
