White coat. Heels.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
