aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
