first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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