I got chris browned last night
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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