Moan for me like Helen Keller
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
