I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
