Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
