You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
