my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
did i just pee glitter
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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