okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
