My first STD was from a foam party
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
