Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Bring me that man meat
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
