Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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