Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize