I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
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I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
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I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
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