I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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