You can't special order awesome
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
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