woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
