There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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