mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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