Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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