I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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