I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
