I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I just found puke in my bra..
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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