honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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