i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
