Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
