i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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