I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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