we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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