I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
