Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
