His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I just want to make out with him forever
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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