Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
