I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
