i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
