and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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