I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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