D3 body, D1 cock
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
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