I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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