I just pynch a tree in the face
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
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