Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
