ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Randomize
