Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
