you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Randomize