What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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