I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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