wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I just sucked dick on a ferry
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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