I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
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