i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Dear god my vagina.
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