i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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