Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
