Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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