If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
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