I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
