he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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