I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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