So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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