if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
