you're like a bully in the Christmas story
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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